It kind of blows my mind that at this time next week my kids will be home from school starting their week of fall break. I'm ready (I think) for them to be home for a week. I miss them when they are gone. I wish I could keep them home all of the time - but it wouldn't be fair to them, and I'm sure I'd loose my mind or become insanely depressed again. Been there, done that. No thank you.
This weekend I had a wonderful reminder of why I am doing what I am doing? My pastor was back from a ten day trip to South Africa with a mission team - which included a bestie of mine - it was so great to have him back! The sermon was on heaven, which really makes you stop and think. In light of eternity, how am I spending my time, directing my energy? And why? Sometimes when I think about that it makes my little blog and photography classes totally trivial.
But when I step back and consider why I'm really doing this, at the heart are two things. A desire to stay at home with my kids. If I weren't teaching photography I would be looking for a job outside the home and while I have loved the part time and volunteer jobs that I've had over the last ten years they haven't made much money and haven't been as satisfying as my current at-home job.
A desire to use the money I make to help others I use part of the money I make from my photography classes to sponsor a bed at the Village of Hope in South Africa which cares for HIV positive children. I am also able to support other momtrepreneurs through the ads that I buy for my classes and the products I'm able to purchase because I have some extra spending money that I wouldn't have if I weren't working. I am also looking forward to the time when I can do more, provide a spot for a woman to attend our church retreat who wouldn't be able to afford it otherwise, sponsor a child at the orphanage in Uganda that my friend helps support, go on a missions trip to the Village of Hope in South Africa... these are good things and they take money.
I also teach photography classes because they give me a more structured creative outlet and since I have been teaching them and working hard to improve them my depression has been less - and that is no small thing. If having a job is what it take for me to not become depressed again then bring it.
But the thing that keeps me going, at the end of the day is you. Knowing that there are a handful of moms out there who are able to enjoy their photography more because they took my classes and one or two have been given the confidence to step out and start their photography business is a big deal to me. I like knowing that I can positively affect the lives of other women like that.
Wow - that was a lot longer than I thought it would be!
Snippets from my Gratitude Journal this week:
235) a peaceful drive with my coffee and my boys as I drove to meet the hubs to give him a tool he'd left at the house.
236) a mind bursting with ideas
239) dreaming of when it will be my turn to go to Africa
244) my small group
245) a warm house
246) hot coffee
248) getting through another morning without yelling
249) getting to the bus stop on time
256) snuggles and smiles
265) a house that smells like muffin bread
274) a good nights sleep