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Sunday, April 11, 2010

Not Me Monday - honestly


I'm writing this post on my cell phone, sitting on the floor outside my son's room, hoping that he goes to sleep sometime this half hour. I'm writing this now because I know that tomorrow I'm not going to have time to check my email much less blog, honestly, I won't. Because tomorrow is the first day of "homeschool" (yay for me). I was so hyped about it before but now I'm just hoping that I get through the day. This isn't the awesome curriculum-based homeschooling where we study egypt and the solar system and go to museums - no this is the half-assed lets-use-the leftover-worksheets-your-teacher-gave-me, which are AWESOME, don't get me wrong, but BORING. However even doing that much is going to take every moment of my already busy day and my very last nerve to get through the day... So pray for me! Or send happy thought for me OR leave me a comment (wink, wink)

So I did NOT get all hyper and giggly after watching Sonny with a Song on Disney Channel, no way. I'm not a fan of Demi Lavato, how weird would that be?
I did NOT buy my first box of hair color. Hello? Aren't I too young? or too old, for that matter. I got this better-for-your-hair non-permanant hair color creme. I like the texture of my hair when it's colored. I had it done once at a salon and LOVED it, plus I had a coupon.
I was so totally NOT planing on eating a bowl of ice cream with Ready Whip in my huge garden tub... before Josiah hijacked bedtime.
I NEVER wake up in the morning wishing I could trade lives with someone, like my daughter's first grade teacher.
I NEVER think - this is just my life and those kids are not going to feed themselves. Let's just get up and get on with it.
I never resent the lack of sleep, or the constantly being inturrupted, or the general feeling that my life is completely outside of my control.
I never feel like got the short end of the stick - and it's covered in poo.
I don't mind at all when I have to change a stinky diaper in the middle of eating the nice hot meal that I made and will not be microwaving later.
I never wonder if all the hype about motherhood is just bull that someone somewhere made up so that women wouldn't completely loose their freaking minds!!! Or maybe it's because there really are truely great mothers out there who are SO not like me.
And I never wonder if I feel that way because of some hormonal/depression issue or if I just feel this way because this is really really hard.

And then there are these moments of transcendent love and surreal peace when I know for sure that motherhood really is the greatest job and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Hmmm... maybe it's not too late for that ice cream after all.

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