Here I am at the end of a wonderful day. The house is quiet, except for the gentle hum of the heater. Everyone is asleep, and I am at the computer with my coffee and my thoughts, that have been tumbling around in my head all week. I thought I'd get them out here.
I know it's kind of hard to tell, but this is a photo I took during a rain storm. If you look closely you can see water on the bricks, it's the only photo I had that had anything to do with rain. Another one I like is this one, but I'm pretty sure I've already blogged it.
I watched the NOOMA video Rain the other day. Here's a clip:
You can watch the whole thing on YouTube here.
Since then I've been thinking about rain and the storms in our lives. I thought about how in the video, near the end he says how those times when the storms are loudest and the rain is hardest that those are the times that God holds us the closest, and He cherishes those times with us. When we know we need Him and we cry out to Him. It is hard for me to comprehend God cherishing a moment with me, especially when I am kicking and screaming and just generally hating what is going on in my life. So I wish I could remember that more.
As I was putting the girls to sleep tonight I was singing to them and I thought about these songs.
I love the idea that God is holding me close in my deepest times of need, of uncertainty, pain and despair. I wish I was better at responding to God in faith and worship in my times when the rain falls hard and it hurts and I just want to scream, when I don't understand what is going on or where life is going, or if this is ever going to get easier or make more sense. But I love to remember that God is holding me, through every sunny day and stormy night, no matter how bad it gets. He's here. With me. He's not going anywhere. He'll never leave me. I might not be able to feel Him here with me, I might not particularly want Him so close to my stinky attitude, but He's here. Because He loves me. So I can praise Him and not dwell on fear or on how overwhelmed I feel right now.
I have had another line, from another song, in my head on repeat:
Sometimes the best way out
That seems like good advice. Sometimes I just try and try to get out of my situation, I try to scheme a way out instead of just embracing my situation and trying to get through as a better, stronger person.
Just because I know my family reads my blog, I just want to say that everything is fine. Daniel and I are doing fine, we are excited about the move and life right now is going really well. I've just been thinking about this stuff and wanted to write about it.
Life happens. Rain falls. God's love is faithful.