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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

a quiet moment

All the children are finally asleep, it's late tonight and Daniel is sitting in the Living Room watching a guy flick on his laptop, with the headphones plugged in, as I run a bath. It's become my nightly routine, like a bedtime ritual, I soak for awhile, decompressing from the day, counting the bruises on my legs and laughing at myself, I wonder where did they come from? My mom used to tell me how easily my grandma bruised, I must take after her. I sit in the warmth writing silly things like this in my head, chasing the worries and to do lists out of my head.
It seems like I never get it all done. No matter how early I get up or how late I go to bed I always feel like there's something still to do. I'm learning to live with it, to go to bed early (sometimes) and get up late (more often than I'd ever admit) and reject guilt, because I'll never ever get it all done. And I realized today that it seems like the faster I try to go the less I get done and the worse I behave and the more guilty I feel. My ideal is to be present. To do and be what I need to in this moment and then move on. I do't live up to that ideal often, my brain is whirring, spinning in a hundred different directions. Maybe that's why I enjoy my evening routine so much. It's warm, peacful, quiet and I can simply be. I hope you get a moment like that today too.

candles in my bathroom


Jamie Lanier said...

wow, i'm all inspired to try that bath thing. sounds wonderful! and i'm sure i'd be doing the same thing, wondering about my bruises. i have so many. it looks as i'm being beaten. and maybe i am...usually beating on my own self, battered by the guilt of being entirely imperfect. yes, i should take more baths. i like your routine.

Mari said...

Why are we so hard on ourselves? It will NEVER be all done. Sometimes I think I'm close, it's almost done and then it's bedtime and the kids put their clothes in the hamper and the cycle begins again. To encourage you:

What heights of love, what depths of peace,When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!My comforter, my all in all—Here in the love of Christ I stand.

Get lost in His love in your bath tonight!

Note:This picture is one of my favorites and largely the reason I knew you were the one to photograph my tea.